It’s a moment growing numbers of parents have experienced over the last decade. Your child tells you she now has an identity that differs from her God-given sex.

What do you do next?

Here are a few things you should do if your child tells you she is trans.

Step 1: Love her no matter what. 

Before you get into specifics of gender identity, recognize that your child is going through a difficult time. There is a strong chance having a different gender identity doesn’t align with your personal values or the traditional family values your child was raised with. 

Even if that’s the case, now is the time to strengthen that bond. Listen to what your child has to say, and ask her questions. 

Keep the dialogue flowing and the relationship open, and take the time you need to digest the information before engaging in the discussion. 

Remember, one of the most important purposes of any talk with your child, is to ensure your child wants to talk to you again.

Step 2: Make sure you know what really loving your child means. 

You need to love your child – but loving your child doesn’t mean condoning or enabling ideas or beliefs that are harmful.

Very few parents would allow their 13-year-old to get a tattoo. Most of us recognize that children are not cognitively or emotionally capable of understanding the long-term impact of making permanent decisions based on temporary feelings.

If that’s the case, why would parents let their child make a permanent and often irreversible decision about their bodies at an age when she can’t even be admitted to an R-rated move without their parents?

It’s easy to label this “tough love,” but it is really true love.

And if you truly love your child, sometimes you are going to have to steer her in a different direction. 

You may even have to be the bad guy.

That’s okay. She will thank you later (and love you for it).

Step 3: Rely on science.

The science regarding gender identity in children is clear, and in many places around the world the law is catching up to the latest and best peer-reviewed research on trans issues:

• In 2022, the Swedish National Board of Health and Welfare decided to restrict so-called hormone therapy due to lack of research support.

• Now the NHS England will no longer give puberty blockers to children.

• Current research supports “watchful waiting” rather than immediate intervention. 

NHS England also commissioned Dr. Hilary Cass, former President of the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health, to conduct an independent review of gender identity services. She found that:

• “While a considerable amount of research has been published in this field, systematic evidence reviews demonstrated the poor quality of the published studies, meaning there is not a reliable evidence base upon which to make clinical decisions, or for children and their families to make informed choices.”

• “For most young people, a medical pathway will not be the best way to manage their gender-related distress. For those young people for whom a medical pathway is clinically indicated, it is not enough to provide this without also addressing wider mental health and/or psychosocially challenging problems.”

When it comes to sex, (true) science and faith stand in agreement: 

There are two sexes.

Any other perspective can lead to significant emotional and physical harm to your child, sometimes irreversible.

Step 4: Remember, politicians and pop culture do not raise your child.

The societal and political pressure to immediately embrace and encourage a false gender identity is enormous. Embracing traditional family values as the right set of guiding principles is enough for some in this culture to label you as a bigot, to say nothing of the social consequences the media and politicians try to inflict for rejecting radical trans ideology.

But that’s okay.

Politicians and celebrities aren’t charged with raising your children.

(Honestly, many of them barely raise their own.)

God charged you with raising your child.

And God expects you to stand strong and stay true to what you know is right.

It’s not easy, but this is a moment where courage counts.  

Step 5: Get the support you need.

Standing strong and staying true is sometimes easier said than done, especially in the face of a rabidly pro-trans popular culture and a potentially angry, hurt, and psychologically confused child.

That’s why getting the right help is so important.

If this moment arrives, find counseling that aligns with your values. We are happy to help, and if we aren’t the right fit, we will help you find the psychological support your child and your family need. 

With that support, your child will thank you later. Without it, tragedy can become inevitable.

We live in a world where traditional family values have become synonymous with bigotry.

But just because the media and celebrities say it’s so doesn’t make it so.

You know the truth.

God is standing with you.

And so am I.

Dr. Johann D’Souza