3 Ways to Stop Beating Yourself Up

Do you ever find yourself speaking to yourself in a harsh, critical way, beating yourself up for mistakes, ruminating on your failures, and using words with yourself that you wouldn’t use in polite company? Isn’t it funny that we can talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk with others? Self-compassion heals our relationship with ourselves so that we are best able to love and serve others.

In Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, Dr. Kristin Neff provides a simple, but effective, approach to understanding and growing in self-compassion.

1. Self-kindness

Be gentle and understanding towards yourself instead of being critical and judgmental. Talk to yourself as you would talk to a friend who is experiencing a similar situation.

Exercise: repeat to yourself “I love and accept myself exactly as I am” and mean it. Really, try it. You may be amazed at what happens.

2. Grow in awareness of our common humanity

“Suffering = pain x resistance”

Recognize that suffering and failure are part of our shared human experience. Use times of suffering to grow closer to others rather than to withdraw from them. 

3. Mindfulness

“We can’t heal what we can’t feel.”

Allow yourself simply to feel discomfort in the present moment rather than dreading, avoiding, dreading, or complaining about it.